Yesterday we went to the family cemetery to visit Laken. I bought her some more cute things to put on her grave and tree. My dad always says that I buy more things than I actually have room for lol. That, I can't help. My reply to him is always the samething, I didn't get to buy her all the cute baby things that I wanted to, so why not?
I don't get to visit her as much as I would like right now and it makes it twice as hard on me. I hate not being about to visit her anytime that I want. Once the new house is built though, I will be right there with her at all times. It's something that I am definitely looking forward to next year.
While we were there, we cleaned off all of the old flowers on the cemetery and made room for the new ones. We pulled up weeds around all of the graves and with my OCD made everything neat. I kept myself busy most of the evening, but once I was alone with her the tears started flowing. I kept thinking that I shouldn't have to be doing this for my daughter. No mother should! She should be here with me right now. I think about it often and I still can't believe this happened to me and that this is now my life. It's like having a bandaid on your broken heart that keeps coming off and you have to keep reapplying it. Some days are better than others.